Why Transitions Are So Hard (And What You Can Do to Help)

 By: Amy Weber, LCSW

Let’s talk about transitions.

If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, you probably already know this word well. And you may say it with the same tone of voice most people reserve for “tax season” or “dental surgery.”

Transitions—whether they’re tiny (turning off the tablet), daily (leaving the house), or major (starting a new school)—can be really tough for neurodivergent kids.

The good news? With a bit of understanding and the right tools, transitions can get smoother—for them and for you.

🧠 Why Transitions Are Especially Tricky for Neurodivergent Kids

First, let’s bust a myth: Your child isn’t being “difficult” on purpose. Their brain might be having a hard time with the shift.

Here’s why transitions are hard:

  • Executive functioning differences make it tough to stop one activity and start another.
  • Anxiety thrives in the unknown—what’s coming next might feel unclear or overwhelming.
  • Sensory sensitivities mean new environments or tasks can feel physically uncomfortable.
  • Need for predictability means change can feel like losing control of their world.
  • Intense focus or hyperfixation (especially with autism or ADHD) makes leaving a beloved task feel like ripping Velcro off the brain.

When we understand what’s happening underneath the behavior, we can move from reacting with frustration to responding with empathy and support.

💡 So What Helps? Concrete Tips for Smoother Transitions

Here are tools and strategies that actually work—with real kids, in real homes (yes, even on mornings where everyone is running late and the dog just ate the breakfast bar).

✅ 1. Preview What’s Coming

Think of this as giving your child’s brain time to warm up to the change.

  • Give countdowns: “In 10 minutes, it’s time to stop playing and get dressed.”
  • Use visuals: timers, schedules, first/then boards.
  • Offer information: “After lunch, we’re going to the grocery store. You can bring your fidget toy.”

🔁 Consistency helps, but so does kindness in your tone. Think coach, not drill sergeant.

✅ 2. Use Predictable Routines

Routines provide structure and reduce the need for constant decisions—which can be exhausting for neurodivergent brains.

  • Create morning or evening routines with steps shown in pictures or simple words.
  • Practice them when things are calm.
  • Keep them posted where your child can see them.

📌 Pro tip: Include your child in creating the routine—it gives them ownership and helps build buy-in.

✅ 3. Give Control Where You Can

When kids feel powerless, they’re more likely to dig in their heels. So offer choices where it’s safe.

  • “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after pajamas?”
  • “We need to leave in 5 minutes. Want to set the timer or should I?”

🤝 This isn’t giving in. It’s giving agency. And that can lower resistance.

✅ 4. Keep It Calm and Low-Verbal During the Transition

When a child is emotionally overloaded, less is more.

  • Use short, supportive phrases: “It’s time. I’m here to help.”
  • Avoid reasoning or arguing in the heat of the moment—save the problem-solving for later.
  • Use movement (walking, jumping, carrying something) to help regulate if needed.

🌊 Be the calm in their storm—not the thunder.

✅ 5. Name and Validate the Feelings

Even if your child can’t say it, big feelings are often bubbling under the surface during transitions.

  • “You were really into that game—it’s hard to stop.”
  • “You’re not ready yet. That makes sense. I’ll help you.”

🧘 When kids feel seen, their nervous system starts to settle. You’re not just managing behavior—you’re building emotional safety.

✅ 6. Celebrate Small Wins

Every smoother transition is worth celebrating.

  • “You turned off the tablet with just one reminder—awesome job.”
  • “You were upset about leaving, but you still walked to the car. That was brave.”

🌟 Celebrate effort, not perfection. You’re reinforcing flexibility and confidence.

❤️ Final Thoughts

Transitions aren’t just about getting from Point A to Point B. They’re moments where kids need emotional support, structure, and time to shift gears.

If your child struggles with transitions, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re raising a child who experiences the world deeply, and who needs your help to feel safe while moving through it.

You’re not alone. And you’re doing more right than you know.

📥 Bonus Freebie

Want a little help getting started?
Grab the free “Smooth Transitions Toolkit” printable that has all the tips you need.